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fish_purpose

Baggy's Questions



What do you think the most important part of friendship is?

Trust and in your closest friends the ability to be able to say absolutely anything and have its intention understood.

What is your longest standing close friendship?

Probably with Ben. Its about 5 or 6 years. Prior to that Naomi. I still talk to her but she lives in the States now and we fell out of touch for a while.Aside from that probably westernind. There are people I have known for a lot longer but am not as close to.

How long do you tend to stay friends with people generally?

As long as I can I guess – I've moved around a lot which makes things difficult.


Describe your pattern of friends – i.e. do you have lots of good mates, lots of close mates, few mates but very close, are they spread out geographically etc.

I have a handful of very close friends, without which my sanity would be lost. I then have a lot of other friends who I know less well. All of which are spread over all over the place. Ben is in the Netherlands, Flick is in the US, Naomi is in the US, the others are all over the UK.

How easily do you think you make friends and what stops you or makes it more difficult?

I can get along with people very easily – many people find me easy to talk to. I find it harder to trust them than they do with me. I make close friends on instinct. I tend to get vey paranoid when stressed and that makes me pull back a bit.

How easily do you form really close friendships and what stops you or makes it more difficult?

I do this on instinct alone I think. I either trust someone or I don't. It all clicks into place or it doesn't.

How easy is it for you to ask your friends for help and what stops you or makes it more difficult?

Very, very hard. I can sometimes unburden to people but asking them for help is really hard. I could ask Ben anything but he's a weird one. Also I am not likely to cos he doesn't live here. What stops me is not wanting to be a burden, feeling like I should deal with things myself and not wanting to seem foolish, incapable or weak.

How many ex-friends do you have?

Some. Most people just drift away – there are probably a handful of people that have upset or offended me enough to cut all ties throughout my adult life. The way this happens is when they do something that either hurts me (has to be very bad) or other people (I have little tolerance for the wilfull injury of peeps I care about).

How many people do you see just because they happen to be part of the same social scene as you that you perhaps wouldn’t choose to spend so much time with or even see at all?

Some but hardly any. TBH it rarely bothers me. I can usually drift away elsewhere.


How much do you talk about your friends with your other friends?

It depends on the context. I talk about most of the people I care about freely and easily to whoever. Not all it must be admitted, but usually to avoid upsetting or bothering someone.

Is there anything you wouldn’t talk about to do with a friend with other friends?

If a friend asks me to preserve confidentiality – the only reason I would break that is if it was necessary to stop a situation deteriorating or more seriously or to prevent harm. I don't like doing it. There have been many things that I have been aware of and said nothing about. Sometimes the best friend I can be is the one that listens when no one else will.

The other sticky situation is where emotional attachments are involved. That can be a minefield.

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fish_purpose

January 2009

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